dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
