I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
