No stitches, just platelets and will power
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
