It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
