everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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