You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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