Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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