i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
