and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
