but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
