guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
