Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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