cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
