Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
