I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
