just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
