You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
