worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
is it fun? or sober?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
