Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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