My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
