Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
