This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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