How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
