tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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