he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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