How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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