spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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