as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
