I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
