They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
