How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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