Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
