No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
