I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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