He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
