He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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