nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
