woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
