I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
