Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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