you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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