Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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