dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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