And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
