Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
