your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
