Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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