In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
