i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
