Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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